i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
