I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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