Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize