I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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