Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
