i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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