But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize