I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
