I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
