I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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