tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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