The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
