the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
