I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
