My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
