I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize