You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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