My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
zippers are such a cool invention
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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