i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
