Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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