We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
