bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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