I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
