I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
