Define "chronic" masturbator.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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