Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
