We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize