Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
