do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
