He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
