I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
