pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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