there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
