but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
