I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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