to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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