Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
