Cold hands, warm shart.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bring money and cleavage
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
