bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize