yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
