ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
