Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize