if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
