i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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