My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
