toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
