I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
