dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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