My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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