you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
