i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Randomize