Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
