He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
