just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
