You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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