come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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