I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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