i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
