The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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