One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
