i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
