hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
