you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize