I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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