yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
