Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
