You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
