either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
